Understanding – The Lowedown

Proverbs 18

²Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions.

⁶Fools get into constant quarrels; they are asking for a beating.

⁷The mouths of fools are their ruin; their lips get them into trouble.

¹³What a shame, what folly, to give advice before listening to the facts!

(Proverbs 18:2, 6, 7, 13, NLT)

The Daily DAVEotional

Several years ago my wife and I took a weekend communication course that had been recommended to us by some friends. The content was really good and we quickly realized how helpful the tools and concepts presented would be for healthy marital communication as well as conflict resolution situations.

The course and content was presented by PhD level communication experts who had spent countless hours researching what makes good, effective communication.

One of the first principles that was presented as important for good communication was to seek to understand BEFORE being understood. That seemed like really good advice.

The presenter then proceeded to share how “scripture” confirmed what the research had discovered.

If you think about it, it’s actually the other way around. Proverbs 18:2 was written thousands of years ago and the research actually confirms what Proverbs has been trying to teach us – that it’s better to understand before you try to be understood. In fact, the scripture calls people who don’t practice this principle “fools”.

The Bible actually has a lot to say about communication. I’ve written here about how James warns us against “Weaponizing our Words“.

The book of Proverbs has a lot to say on the subject as well and Proverbs 18, in particular, is a treasure trove of wisdom on good communication. I wrote here about how our words can be emotionally damaging to others.

Proverbs is a book of wisdom and in many of the chapters there is a contrast between wise living and foolish living. In this chapter, a number of verses cite the foolishness of talking too much.

The fool doesn’t listen but only talks. In a tense or heated conversation, this can lead to quarrels and arguments as the foolish person fails to listen but only seeks to get their point across. In a normal, less tense conversation it can simply lead to someone acting like a know-it-all and giving unsolicited and unwarranted advice instead of listening and understanding the other person’s story and situation.

My guess is you know someone like the fool that is described in these Proverbs 18 verses. If you don’t know someone like that, as the old saying goes, perhaps YOU are that person.

The wise person listens and seeks to understand BEFORE trying to get his or her point across. Research shows that this leads to healthier communication and better relationships. But the Bible knew this all along.

Imagine that!

Reflection

When have you been in a situation where someone gave you advice before listening to really understand your situation? How did that make you feel? What was the outcome of that encounter?

Why do you think people are so anxious to be understood (trying to get their point across) before understanding the other person?

What do you think would be required to “seek to understand before being understood”? What skills and attitudes would need to be present in order to “understand before being understood”?

Based on the principles in these verses, how would you rate your communication patterns on a scale of 1-10? What reasons did you rate yourself the way you did? What steps can you take to improve your rating?

Photo by Timur Weber: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-couple-talking-while-arguing-8560383/

Job 38

¹Then the LORD answered Job from the whirlwind:

²“Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorant words? ³Brace yourself, because I have some questions for you, and you must answer them.

⁴“Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell me, if you know so much. ⁵Do you know how its dimensions were determined and who did the surveying? ⁶What supports its foundations, and who laid its cornerstone ⁷as the morning stars sang together and all the angels*shouted for joy?

⁸“Who defined the boundaries of the sea as it burst from the womb, ⁹and as I clothed it with clouds and thick darkness? ¹⁰For I locked it behind barred gates, limiting its shores. ¹¹I said, ‘Thus far and no farther will you come. Here your proud waves must stop!’

¹²“Have you ever commanded the morning to appear and caused the dawn to rise in the east? ¹³Have you ever told the daylight to spread to the ends of the earth, to bring an end to the night’s wickedness? ¹⁴For the features of the earth take shape as the light approaches, and the dawn is robed in red. ¹⁵The light disturbs the haunts of the wicked, and it stops the arm that is raised in violence.

¹⁶“Have you explored the springs from which the seas come? Have you walked about and explored their depths? ¹⁷Do you know where the gates of death are located? Have you seen the gates of utter gloom? ¹⁸Do you realize the extent of the earth? Tell me about it if you know!

¹⁹“Where does the light come from, and where does the darkness go? ²⁰Can you take it to its home? Do you know how to get there? ²¹But of course you know all this! For you were born before it was all created, and you are so very experienced! (Job 38:1-21, NLT)

Note: Read the entire chapter to see all of the questions God challenges Job with in this chapter.

The Daily DAVEotional

For the first 37 chapters of Job, we’ve listened to Job consistently defend his innocence against God’s so-called attacks on him, while his “friends” form a tag team of truth-tellers insistent on getting Job to admit his unrighteousness and recognize that he’s obviously experiencing punishment for some sinful act.

It’s at this point that God finally steps in and interrupts the conversation.

He begins with these two words:

“Brace yourself!”

God has some hard questions for Job, who, because he doesn’t understand why he is experiencing such calamity despite his sinless ways, concludes that God must get a rise out of bringing pain and hardship on people simply for the fun of it. I wrote about “Job’s Case of Cognitive Dissonance” here.

For the remainder of the chapter, God asks a series of rhetorical questions, the point of which is to underscore the fact that Job (as well as all humans) know almost nothing about God. He is so far above us, so much mightier and more powerful than us, how can we ever begin to think we can understand Him or His ways?

It is fashionable, especially in today’s culture to malign God’s character because His sense of justice or love or fairness does not match exactly with our own understanding.

Many think of God as selfish or narcissistic because He requires that we worship or “pay attention to Him.”

Others think of God as angry, wrathful or evil because he “slaughtered” all those people in the Old Testament.

But the truth is, we know virtually nothing about God. We think we know so much but we know so little. Our knowledge is limited and yet we think that our limited life experience gives us a front row seat to true enlightenment.

Just as God had some choice words for Job, He has those same words to those of us who might question His motives, His intentions and His character.

God created everything. Do YOU know how he did it? NO. Therefore, you can’t possibly understand the power and the process of creating the universe!

In addition to creating the universe, God also oversees the physical processes in the universe. He is in control of the sunrise and sunset.

What physical processes do you control and oversee? NONE!

So how can you criticize someone who is so far above you? You can’t understand the physical processes, but you think you can understand what justice is?

God’s point is that Job is responding from a position of utter ignorance when it comes to evaluating God, His motives, His character and His intentions.

We do the same thing today. We think that our understanding and our version of justice is correct, even though we have such a limited perspective and very little life experience when compared with the entirety of human history.

How arrogant is it to question the character of the God of the universe? It’s so arrogant that God employs sarcasm to illustrate the absurdity of Job’s baseless position:

But of course you know all this! For you were born before it was all created, and you are so very experienced! (Job 38:21, NLT)

In my mind, I imagine God saying what I might say to my kids, “But of course, you know EVERYTHING, don’t you?”

The obvious response to this is, “NO. You know NOTHING!”

Therefore, to take the position Job has taken, and to malign God’s character is nothing short of ridiculous!

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Reflection

Have you ever lashed out at God and maligned Him for something you didn’t understand? What were the circumstances?

Why do you think people take the illogical position that our understanding of justice or love, or whatever is correct while God’s version of these qualities is distorted or warped?

What are some ways you can lovingly respond to those who might berate God and impugn His character?

Photo by Guillermo Ferla on Unsplash