impression management – The Lowedown

Not long ago I was at a military commencement event where a chaplain was invited to come to the podium and offer an opening prayer. With a deep and commanding voice, the chaplain spoke a scripted series of poetically eloquent words and phrases directed to God but also aimed at drawing the audience into a reflective moment.

It was a beautiful oratory performance that sounded like it could be a monologue from a Broadway play.

If I wasn’t a Christian, or if I was new to the Christian faith, I might conclude that this is what prayer is.

I would be incorrect.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean to denigrate the chaplain’s prayer. It was a legitimate prayer and it was moving. It’s just that his prayer wasn’t necessarily representative of what prayer is. What I mean is, one doesn’t have to be a thespian in order to pray.

So what then is prayer?

The simplest definition is that prayer is talking to God.

That’s it. Prayer is simply talking to God in a conversational way just as you might talk with your friend.

It’s unlikely that you normally talk to your friends and co-workers like you’re auditioning for a role in a Shakespearean play, which is why the chaplain’s prayer, as beautiful and stirring as it was, is not typical or representative of what prayer is, nor is it the ideal example of how we should pray.

I encounter people all the time who are confused by prayer. To some, prayer seems mystical and mysterious, complicated and confusing, the sort of thing that is left to the professional minister.

But prayer isn’t complicated and it shouldn’t be confusing. There’s no mystery to prayer. You simply talk to God the way you might talk to a trusted friend.

Your prayer doesn’t need to be eloquent. It doesn’t need to be polished. It can be simple. It can be short. It can be long. It can be written out or it can be off the cuff. It can be audible or silent. It can be formal or informal. It can be scheduled or unscheduled, offered up in a group or individual setting. One can pray in public or in private. You can pray while standing, sitting or lying down. You can pray with your eyes closed or your eyes opened, hands clasped or not. There aren’t a lot of rules to prayer.

The only real requirement for prayer is that you are honest. God knows your thoughts and your motivations anyway, so there is no point in faking your way through it.

Many years ago, when I was a new staff member with Cru at San Jose State University, we held a prayer night for our on-campus ministry.

Huddled in the living room of the guys’ house where I lived were 25-30 students, giving up their Friday evening in order to spend some time praying. I happened to be in a small group with a guy I’ll call Nick. Nick was a brand-new believer, an athlete who had just recently come to faith in Christ.

Nick had no prior religious background and no prior influence or bias to inform him of what prayer was supposed to look like.

As we took turns in our small prayer group, lifting up our thoughts and concerns to God, I was surprised to hear Nick jump in with a prayer of his own. In my experience, I often find that people are hesitant to pray in groups, precisely for the reasons we’ve already mentioned – they’re often afraid that their prayers will not sound polished or professional; they don’t want to embarrass themselves in front of others by saying something wrong.

Nick didn’t care about any of that. He simply had no preconception to inform him that there might be a right way to pray and a “wrong” way to pray.

So, in his innocent and refreshing way, he offered up his honest thoughts to God, “God, thank you for saving me, and I want to wish you the best of luck.”

Those of us in the group chuckled internally because God, of course, doesn’t need luck. Theologically, Nick’s prayer was not completely accurate. But it didn’t matter. Nick shared what he was thinking, and from his heart he talked to God. It was perhaps the most honest and genuine prayer I’ve ever heard because unlike I can so often be, Nick was unconcerned with impressing those around him, and he wasn’t worried about embarrassing himself by uttering something theologically “incorrect”.

Prayer isn’t a performance and it’s not about impressing those around us with our theological knowledge and eloquent ways of creating word pictures. It’s not an oratory competition, nor is there a standard template for what constitutes a legitimate prayer.

Prayer is simply a conversation with the God of the universe, who loves you and wants you to come to Him with your concerns, anxieties, confessions, petitions and your praises, talking to Him in your own words and your own style.

Prayer is an activity that anyone can do and everyone should do. If you want to know God, prayer is essential. Prayer is not hard, but we often complicate it and though it’s easy, we often avoid it.

Do you pray? If not, what are you waiting for? Give it a go, and as you get started, I want to wish you the best of luck!

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Mark 14

¹It was now two days before the Passover celebration and the Festival of Unleavened Bread. The leading priests and the teachers of religious law were still looking for an opportunity to capture Jesus secretly and put him to death. ²“But not during the Passover,” they agreed, “or there will be a riot.”

³Meanwhile, Jesus was in Bethany at the home of Simon, a man who had leprosy. During supper, a woman came in with a beautiful jar of expensive perfume. She broke the seal and poured the perfume over his head. ⁴Some of those at the table were indignant. “Why was this expensive perfume wasted?” they asked. ⁵“She could have sold it for a small fortune and given the money to the poor!” And they scolded her harshly.

⁶But Jesus replied, “Leave her alone. Why berate her for doing such a good thing to me? ⁷You will always have the poor among you, and you can help them whenever you want to. But I will not be here with you much longer. ⁸She has done what she could and has anointed my body for burial ahead of time. ⁹I assure you, wherever the Good News is preached throughout the world, this woman’s deed will be talked about in her memory.” (Mark 14:1-9, NLT)

The Daily DAVEotional

Have you heard of this idea known as virtue signaling? While the phrase may be fairly recent, the concept is as old as man.

Virtue signaling is when a person makes a comment or does something in public to try to make themselves appear virtuous when the truth often is the exact opposite of the claim they are trying to make.

Virtue signaling has become especially popular with the rise of social media, which has given people a wider platform to broadcast their “virtuous character.”

It’s not uncommon for those who “virtue signal” to draw attention to themselves by pointing to the supposed lack of virtue in others.

This is the situation in Mark 14.

In this passage, a woman comes to Jesus with a very expensive jar of perfume and she proceeds to pour the jar over Jesus’ head.

The value of the perfume was about 300 denarii. ONE denarius was equivalent to a typical day’s wage, which means that this one jar of perfume was worth almost an entire year’s worth of wages.

The text says that there were those who were there to witness this act who were INDIGNANT.

To be indignant is to be extremely angry or annoyed because of some perceived unjust or unfair treatment.

From this passage, we don’t know who these people are that were indignant but John 12:4-6 gives us additional insight into the context:

⁴But Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples—the one who would betray him—said, ⁵“That perfume was worth a small fortune. It should have been sold and the money given to the poor.” ⁶Not that he cared for the poor—he was a thief who was in charge of the disciples’ funds, and he often took some for his own use.

So here we have it – Judas is upset that this expensive jar of perfume is being poured out over Jesus’ head. He chastises the woman for being wasteful and having wrong priorities. He claims that this expensive perfume should have been sold so that the poor could be taken care of. Essentially, he’s accusing this woman of not caring about the poor. In his mind, why else would someone waste a whole year’s worth of money on something as unnecessary as a jar of perfume?

The reality is that Judas didn’t care about the poor; he just wanted others to think that he did. What better way to draw attention to his “care” for the poor than to scold a woman who had the means to give a significant sum to the poor but didn’t?

The text indicates that Judas’s real motive was himself. As the treasurer, he often helped himself to some of the money. Judas saw this extravagant act by this woman as a missed opportunity for himself.

It’s not likely that many people read this passage and identify with Judas. After all, John tells us that Judas had an ulterior motive – he was a thief. And we also know that Judas betrayed Jesus. For most of us, we don’t think of ourselves as anything like Judas.

But I think that most of us are more like Judas than we would care to admit.

Be honest. How do you react when you hear of someone spending what would cost you a year’s worth of work on something as unnecessary and trivial as a bottle of perfume?

In my experience, I see more people responding like Judas.

For some reason, we tend to have this idea that our standards are normal and reasonable while those who are living beyond our standards must be greedy or gluttonous. We attribute sinful motives to those who don’t think and act exactly as we might in a given situation.

This is true of Judas. He sees this expensive perfume as being needless and wasteful and he assumes that by pointing this out to the group he will be praised and honored. But he doesn’t get the response that he expects.

Instead of vilifying the woman and praising Judas, Jesus honors the woman and rebukes Judas.

Apparently, what Judas sees as needless and wasteful, Jesus sees as having an honorable and good purpose.

I think there are two lessons here from this passage.

First, I should be careful not to assign sinful or dubious motives to those whose lifestyle is more “expensive” than mine. It’s possible that the items that I think are wasteful and unnecessary can actually have an honorable purpose and be used in such a way that God is honored and glorified.

Secondly, I should be careful not to castigate others whom I know next to nothing about. Just because a person has more money than I do and might spend some of it on things I never would doesn’t mean they can’t care about things that are important to God’s heart. After all, nobody cares more about the poor than Jesus does and He has no problem with this woman taking an expensive jar of perfume and using it for His benefit.

Ironically, we don’t demonstrate ourselves to be virtuous if we have to disparage others to prove how much better we are than them. While it’s always easy to point the finger at others, we should be more concerned with caring for and cultivating our own heart toward God than pointing out all the flaws we perceive in others, especially when our primary intent is to make ourselves look good to others.

Reflection

What is your reaction and response to people whose lifestyle is more extravagant than yours? Have you ever found yourself questioning the things they own and value as wasteful and needless?

When is a time when you questioned another person’s “virtue” because they bought or owned something that you saw as unnecessary or needless? When have you responded like Judas to another person’s choice?

What is your reaction to the fact that Jesus honors and praises the woman who uses a whole bottle of perfume, that cost a year’s worth of wages, on Him?

How do you reconcile the fact that God loves and cares for the poor more than you or I could and yet He says, “you will always have the poor among you.”?

What steps are you taking to cultivate your own heart to ensure you are become a true person of virtue? How do you think a person would go about becoming more virtuous?

Photo by Rodolpho Zanardo: https://www.pexels.com/photo/photo-of-man-pointing-his-finger-1259327/