Divorce – The Lowedown

Helping out our Cru Military ministry at the FamilyLife Conference in Anaheim

Lately, we’ve been thinking a lot about marriage. In November, Jen and I attended a Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference hosted by FamilyLife. It was excellent. If you haven’t been to one, we highly recommend it.

In February, Jen and I helped out at a Weekend to Remember Conference in Anaheim. There were a number of military couples attending and our Cru Military ministry had a special booth and specific resources to help military families navigate the unique marital struggles they encounter.

In February, our church embarked on a 3 year plan that will lay the foundation for the next 45 years. One of the initiatives that is laid out as part of the “Dream Now” vision is strengthening families. A statistic that was shared is that 70% of all marriages in Orange County end in divorce.

We know all too well how the breakdown of the family has impacted the Young Adults of today. The landscape of families has encountered a seismic shift in the last 40-50 years.

An often quoted statistic about the spiritual influence men have with their family

When I was a kid, I didn’t know anyone whose parents were divorced. Today, divorce is so common that it’s almost strange to meet a Young Adult whose parents are still together.

All of this has created some unique challenges and opportunities when it comes to ministry.

Young Adults are less likely to have a strong extended family to rely on for support, whether it’s emotional or financial.

Because the nuclear family has been so fractured over the past 50 years, many Young Adults are longing for older adults who can provide mentoring and sage life advice that older family members have traditionally provided. I can’t tell you how often a Young Adult has mentioned to me or to Jen that they have nobody in their life who is older with whom they can discuss life issues.

For the last few years, I’ve been very involved in men’s ministry at our church (Jen is also very involved in the women’s ministry). I do some occasional teaching and I give leadership to a group of men who meet early on a weekly basis.

I’ve enjoyed applying all of the ministry training and experience I’ve accrued over the years to help older guys grow in their spiritual lives.

As I’ve connected with men over the years, I’ve realized that spiritually speaking, old guys have the same needs as young guys. Men want to make a difference and they want their lives to count. Men often want to take steps to grow spiritually but many times, they don’t know what to do beyond attending church, giving money and being involved in a small group.

Lately, we’ve been wondering if we can somehow “marry” our day job (Young Adults) with our part-time ministry to older adults.

Young Adults overwhelmingly indicate they want older people in their lives to function as mentors and even spiritual guides.

Older adults often communicate a strong desire to make an impact in others, particularly the younger generation.

Partnering with Cru Military at a Family Life Conference. Multiple ministries collaborating and intersecting.

What if we could help older Christians take steps to mentor and influence the young adults around them?

We’ve actually had this idea for a while but it’s been brought to the forefront more recently as God has provided numerous situations and personal examples that have made this need obvious and undeniable.

Our vision is not just to mentor Young Adults directly, though we are doing that. What we really want to do is to multiply our impact by equipping others, particularly older, wiser and more mature believers to take steps to pour into and impact Young adults. We believe that there is a golden opportunity for those who are entering their golden years!

Perhaps that sounds interesting. If so, let us know. We’d love to hear your thoughts and provide support and help for you to take meaningful steps that would enable you to make an impact in the lives of others!

Thank you for your continued prayers and partnership that enables us to minister to Young Adults…and Old Adults as well!

Proverbs 5

¹My son, pay attention to my wisdom; listen carefully to my wise counsel. ²Then you will learn to be discreet and will store up knowledge.

³The lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil. ⁴But the result is as bitter as poison, sharp as a double-edged sword. ⁵Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave. ⁶For she does not care about the path to life. She staggers down a crooked trail and doesn’t even realize where it leads.

⁷So now, my sons, listen to me. Never stray from what I am about to say: ⁸Run from her! Don’t go near the door of her house! ⁹If you do, you will lose your honor and hand over to merciless people everything you have achieved in life. ¹⁰Strangers will obtain your wealth, and someone else will enjoy the fruit of your labor. ¹¹Afterward you will groan in anguish when disease consumes your body, ¹²and you will say, “How I hated discipline! If only I had not demanded my own way! ¹³Oh, why didn’t I listen to my teachers? Why didn’t I pay attention to those who gave me instruction? ¹⁴I have come to the brink of utter ruin, and now I must face public disgrace.”

¹⁵Drink water from your own well—share your love only with your wife. ¹⁶Why spill the water of your springs in public, having sex with just anyone? ¹⁷You should reserve it for yourselves. Don’t share it with strangers.

¹⁸Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. ¹⁹She is a loving doe, a graceful deer. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love. ²⁰Why be captivated, my son, with an immoral woman, or embrace the breasts of an adulterous woman?

²¹For the LORD sees clearly what a man does, examining every path he takes. ²²An evil man is held captive by his own sins; they are ropes that catch and hold him. ²³He will die for lack of self-control; he will be lost because of his incredible folly. (Proverbs 5:1-23, NLT)

The Daily DAVEotional

Reading through the Proverbs is often like reading the fortune from a fortune cookie – they are typically short statements packed with wise advice.

But in Proverbs 5, Solomon doesn’t just give us a few pithy statements related to his views on sex; instead, he devotes a whole chapter to warning his son about the dangers of sexual immorality.

Solomon starts out by acknowledging how enticing sexual sin is. In verse 3, he says that sexual sin always looks enticing and appealing IN THE MOMENT. But countless people realize the error of their decision immediately after satisfying their sexual desires.

In verses 7 and 8, Solomon again urges his son to “listen carefully”. This must be really important! Sexual sin is so enticing that Solomon’s advice is to RUN. In other words, don’t hang around! Lingering is almost always disastrous as the will is slowly broken down as we give our minds an opportunity to rationalize our projected sin.

The results of not heeding this advice are widespread and far-reaching. Relationships are ruined and financial positions are compromised. I realize that this is not a popular belief in our current culture, but the reality is that nothing good comes from sleeping around.

Fifty years ago, our culture experienced a sexual revolution in which traditional views and values of sex were challenged and cast aside in favor of a more “free” expression of sex. This radical new perspective gave people the freedom to enjoy sex outside of the traditional marriage relationship without experiencing the stigma that was normally associated with casual sex outside of marriage.

Now, more than fifty years after this counter-culture revolution dramatically changed the moral landscape of America, are we better off? Did the sexual revolution deliver on its promise of a better society by casting off the chains that were depriving people of unleashing their sexual repression and fulfilling their every sexual desire?

It’s not the intent of this post to give a detailed analysis of the results of the sexual revolution but I would say that even casual observations about the state of our culture now reveal that the answer to the question above is “NO!”

What have been the results of being released from our so-called sexual prison?

To start with, abortion became legal as a means of limiting the responsibility of unwanted pregnancies. Over 62 million babies have been aborted since it was legalized. It’s also no surprise that the spread of sexually transmitted diseases rose and has remained high.

Predictably, the number of babies born out of wedlock has dramatically increased, leading to a higher percentage of single-parent families. Single-parent families often face greater challenges financially, which in turn often results in kids having less developmental resources and educational opportunities.

Divorce rates went up and have stayed up, contributing to the breakdown of the nuclear family. The breakdown of the family unit, research has shown, is a major factor that has contributed to many of our society’s greatest ills – including crime, drugs, mental health issues, abuse, homelessness, and pornography, just to name a few.

Solomon urges his listeners to maintain sexual purity by “drinking water from your own well”, which is another way of saying that we should keep our sexual relationships within the context of marriage.

There is no doubt that sex is enjoyable, but Solomon asks the reader why they would have sex with just anyone, which, in his view doesn’t make us free, but actually cheapens the experience. His advice is to cherish sex and enjoy it in the context of your marriage partner, which is exactly how God intended it.

Reflection

In what ways have you or your extended family been negatively impacted by the changing moral values of the sexual revolution?

Chances are that you or someone you know has been impacted by divorce. What are some of the negative effects of divorce on kids and families?

Who are some of your role models in terms of long-standing marital relationships? What do you think are some of the benefits of staying married and being faithful to one spouse?

In what ways can you relate to Solomon’s advice to RUN when confronted with an opportunity to engage in sexual sin?

Photo by Sandy Millar on Unsplash